Quotes On: Satire

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose.

If it's the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, Can I use a lifeline?

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial; it just doesn't work!

I like my wine like my women—ready to pass out.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.