Quotes On: Irony

I like my wine like my women—ready to pass out.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

Isn't it strange that I who have written only unpopular books should be such a popular fellow?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.