Quotes On: Humor

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial; it just doesn't work!

My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive—the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns.

I like my wine like my women—ready to pass out.

Reality: What a concept!

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it all the money, but they changed it to alimony. It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman.